There are days when you don’t need an alarm clock. There are days when you don’t need a wake-up call. There are days when the only motivation you need to get out of bed is anticipation. This was one of those days. I found out the previous night that I might just get a chance to hear the spellbinding words of Chikara’s resident walking legend, The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger, firsthand. Chikara makes its Alabama debut this saturday with Deep Freeze, followed by Zodiac Crimes the next night in North Carolina. So I jumped at the chance to speak with the master of the trail, the rider of Desire, and the friend of sweet Sapphire.
I was shocked when the phone rang right on time and the voice on the other end was, indeed, that of The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger. It was all too good to be true. I couldn’t believe that a man who had been on the run for so long would even allow himself to be recorded on what he called “a new-fangled communicatin’ device.” Sure enough, the Stranger always has a trick up his sleeve. When I tried to take the tape to the airwaves, there was nothing there. The Stranger has been getting away through time and space for too long to be bested by a greenhorn like me. Luckily, anybody who has ever heard the words of The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger does not soon forget them. What follows is a recap of a conversation that I will always remember.
You are handsome. You are mysterious. You are a stranger. How are you?
First of all daddy, let me tell you it is The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger. I don’t want any confusion with The Handsome and Mysterious Stranger. I don’t need no copyright infringement or any legal action.
I have to tell you Stranger, I was shocked when the phone rang. I was fully prepared to conduct this interview by smoke signal if need be.
Let me tell you, I have done many interviews by smoke signal. I am always ready to do whatever I need to do. I have even sent messages through carrier pigeon. As you know, I am always joined by my faithful companion, my feral pigeon Sapphire. So she can deliver any message that I need to be delivered.
You are a very hard man to track down, as I am sure is your intent. Are you on the run from something?
I am surely on the run. They have been after me for centuries. I have been running from the Pinkertons for longer than I can remember. Do you know who they are daddy? But they will never get their hands on me. My movements are hard to track like a 17th century meteorologist. I am hard to find. You might call this number and this phone might be discontinued.
Now you are certainly no stranger to the South, but Chikara doesn’t get down this way too much. I am ecstatic to know that this Saturday you will be in my home state of Alabama at the ProSouth Arena for Chikara’s Deep Freeze.
The great state of Alabama. Sweet Home Alabama! I was born in Alabama, in a shack way back up in the woods.
Did your father call you Patches?
He certainly did.
Who are you taking on in Piedmont?
I am taking on deviANT. Now that is a deviant character. An insect. A six-legged critter. A character of dysfunction. A devious individual, much like that other Handsome and Mysterious Stranger. He ain’t no partner of mine. When I come to Piedmont, I got to put him down, baby.
I know you said that you know Alabama. It seems that your roots are deeper than any cotton plant, but do you have an escape route if things get a little out of hand.
Oh, I know Alabama like the bottom of Desire’s hooves. Desire is my faithful mare. She will never lead me astray. She will get me to safety anytime I need her.
It is not often that we get to know the whereabouts of The Mysterious and Handsome Stranger, but we know where you will be on October 6. Can you tell me where else you are headed?
I usually don’t tell the people where I am headed. If I did that I wouldn’t be The Mysterious Stranger, I would be The Predictable Stranger, if you will. But I like the cut of your jib, so I will tell you that after I squash that bug in Piedmont, Alabama, I am going to mount up Desire and head to Gibsonville, North Carolina for Chikara’s Zodiac Crimes.
Now I have searched for The Stranger in the papers. I have listened for The Stranger on the airwaves. I finally found a little clip on the Internet, and I believe that I heard you issue an open challenge to anybody in the state. Is that true?
That is certainly true. Now the Stranger has got a lot of history in the Carolinas. Apparently, they have split Carolina into two parts. This is called North Carolina, and The Stranger has a lot of roots in that area. There are a lot of people who may accept this challenge, but The Stranger is ready for ’em all.
If we can talk philosophically for a moment, we know that you are mysterious. We know that you are a tough hombre. We have seen you in a few tussles in Chikara. But we don’t know exactly what your goal is. As you look down that long tunnel into the future, is there somebody standing at the end who you might want to fire a little warning shot at?
You seem to be a man that understands The Stranger. You might be the kind of man that I would like to take out on the trail with me. A man who can watch my back when I go down into that mine and pan for gold. I don’t normally trust you media types with your printing presses and your new-fangled communicatin’ devices, but I am gonna tell you straight. I love Chikara. I love being here and I plan on being here for a while. You are right, daddy, and all the fans know that there is somebody who The Stranger wants to fire a little warning shot at, as you say. All the people who show up in North Carolina just may get a glimpse of who it is that the Mysterious and Handsome Stranger is taking aim at.