When I was watching Raw the other night, they showed a commercial for this new movie called Trainwreck. At first I was like, “Why are they showing this commercial while I’m watching WWE?” Then I saw that John Cena was in it and I figured I should go see this movie.
Trainwreck stars Amy Schumer. I think she’s a comedian or something. I remember reading on one of the dirt sheets that she used to date Dolph Ziggler, but she broke up with him because the sex was too athletic. I mean, he is “The Showoff,” you know. If a cougar like Vickie can handle Dolph, it seems like Amy would be able to. Now Lana seems to be enjoying herself with him.
Anyway, my cousin told me there was an episode of Total Divas or something where Nikki got upset because John Cena has a nude scene in this movie. Remember when I went to see Magic Mike XXL because I thought Cena played a stripper, but it was actually Channing Tatum? Well, Trainwreck kind of makes up for what I missed out on because Cena plays Schumer’s boyfriend and has a funny sex scene where she keeps her top on but you get to see Cena’s butt. I usually hate Cena, but he’s pretty good in this movie.
So, Cena breaks up with Amy because he finds out she’s been cheating on him. They have this argument in a movie theater and a guy in the back row (Keith Robinson) calls Cena Mark Wahlberg, which I popped for. I’ve always thought Cena looked kind of like Marky Mark (I wonder if he’s a wrasslin’ mark), especially since they were both white rappers before they started pandering to kids. Then Cena calls the other guy Koko B. Ware and I stood up and started doing the arm flappy thing right there in the theater!
After Cena breaks up with Amy, she has to interview this sports doctor for a magazine article she’s writing. She actually hates sports, which is weird since she was just dating a wrestler and wrestling is a real sport. This doctor (Bill Hader) is friends with LeBron James, who is always giving him advice, especially after the doctor starts dating Amy. Amy is kind of jealous of the cheerleaders that are friends with her new boyfriend. I wonder if that’s a rib on Dolph since he used to be a cheerleader in the Spirit Squad.
Since she is used to having one-night stands and stuff, Amy doesn’t know how to react to a nice guy who likes her. She doesn’t like relationships because when she was a kid her dad told her it’s impossible to stay with one person. Her dad is played by Colin Quinn, who I remember from Remote Control.
After Amy walks out to take a phone call from her magazine editor (Tilda Swinton) while the doctor is giving an acceptance speech for an award he won, he gets mad at her. They have a fight and the doctor doesn’t get much sleep and almost screws up a surgery he’s supposed to do the next day. They sort of break up, but LeBron keep telling the doctor that he should talk to Amy. Amy misses him, too. I don’t want to spoil the ending, but she decides to get some spirit of her own to show the doctor how much she misses him.
My cousin thinks Trainwreck is really funny. I think it’s pretty good, too. But I mostly just like the parts with John Cena. I mean, I already knew he was pretty funny. But maybe when he decides to retire from wrasslin’ he can keep doing movies like this one. Or maybe they’ll make another Magic Mike and he can be in that.