Did y’all know Chyna is still wrestling? I got this new DVD called Chyna is Queen of the Ring and it’s pretty good. It looks like it’s from a pay-per-view called Fucklemania, which features Chyna in two hardcore matches against some of the industry’s biggest legends. I popped at the beginning when Chyna’s in the locker room getting ready for her first match and Vince and Stephanie McMahon walk in. It looks like Chyna’s going to finally get revenge on Vince for firing her, and Steph for marrying Triple H, but they’re all able to do what’s best for business and get really friendly with each other. I never realized Vince had all those tattoos but I guess he’s gotten some since I last saw him with his shirt off. And I’ve always wondered if Steph’s boobs were fake, but now I’m pretty sure they are. But, I mean, you know.

Some people will piss and moan about how this show starts with talking and a backstage vignette. I mean, it’s probably, like, 20 minutes before we even see any in-ring action. But I really like how they’re able to work a spot for that long and you really don’t even realize there hasn’t been any actual wrestling yet. And I hope this whole thing isn’t a work because it seems like Chyna has paid her dues now and can get the proper sendoff and WWE Hall of Fame induction she deserves. I mean, she’s the only woman to ever be Intercontinental Champion and Vince can’t just ignore that. He’s definitely not ignoring her on this DVD! And if he doesn’t already, he will own this footage within 18 months.

It doesn’t take Chyna long to get cleaned up and in the ring for her first Queen of the Ring match, a nine-wrestler gang bang featuring Bret Hart, The Iron Sheik, “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, The Rock, Doink the Clown, John Cena (hate you, Cena!) and Chyna. And, I mean, I popped big time when Triple H joined the match because I don’t think he and Chyna have even seen each other since Trips married Steph. I don’t really follow the rules of this match, but all I know is Chyna takes on all these guys at the same time, with “Mean” Gene Okerlund coming out from behind the announce table sometimes to get in on the action. The ring girl also never gets out of the ring and takes care of some of the guys when Chyna has her hands full.

Even though he’s the best there is, best there was and the best there ever will be, the Hitman is first one eliminated from the match. And that was all the reason I needed to start chanting, “You screwed Bret! You screwed Bret!” in my living room. (Why was he on Raw the night before this DVD came out and didn’t even plug it?) The rest of the guys finish the match at the same time for a big finish, but it takes them a long time because Chyna is as tough as ever and is able to handle all these legends at the same time. She has fought some tough battles during her wrestling career and she has the scars to prove it.

Before the Fucklemania main event gets underway, Chyna has to go back to the locker room to get ready for it. When she gets back there, that guy from that Kid Rock video is back there and he’s doing a live sex celebration with some girl. (The only reason I listen to Kid Rock is because he did ‘Taker‘s “American Bad Ass” entrance music.) I think it’s the same ring girl that was part of the gang bang match thing. I don’t remember this guy’s name, but I heard he’s in some new movie with Jerry Lawler. (We’re praying for you, King!) If he was a wrestler I would call him the Hedgehog. Chyna joins the celebration for a few minutes and it’s more hardcore than the Attitude Era or ECW (ECDub! ECDub!)!

But then it’s time for the main event and it’s the two biggest legends of all time: Ric Flair (whoooo!) and Hulk Hogan (brother!). Though it’s not the same as the first time I saw Flair and Hogan wrestle, these guys look really good for their age. But then Chyna joins the match and, hey, I think this might be part of the Hulk Hogan sex tape that Vince is going to own in 18 months time. But I didn’t know that sex tape had wrestling. It’s pretty good. But since Vince was in the opening segment, I’m sure he already owns this footage and Chyna’s whole Vivid video library because you know WWE will put out a new Chyna DVD when she comes back to WWE. But he didn’t put this one out under the WWE banner because it doesn’t fit with the company’s current PG rating.

Even though she gets double-teamed and hit from behind for the entire match, Chyna is able to bring out the best in two wrestlers who are past their primes. And in the end (SPOILER ALERT!) Chyna finishes off Hogan and Flair at the same time to win the Fucklemania Championship. I knew she could do it, but it’s a lot of fun watching her overcome the odds to win the Queen of the Ring.

The DVD features a bunch of extra stuff, including a scene from Avengers. I never saw The Avengers, but now I want to see it because Chyna plays She-Hulk, and she has her own She-Hulk movie coming out soon. There’s also a behind-the-scenes documentary that breaks kayfabe a little bit, but it’s pretty cool seeing the workers getting ready for their Queen of the Ring matches. There’s also a photo gallery and some other bonus stuff. I’m just kind of suprised Val Venis wasn’t anywhere on this DVD. For some reason it seems like he should have been included somehow. And it’s weird how all the wrestlers look a little different than usual. I guess maybe they were off the juice going into these matches. But it’s a pretty good show and good to see Chyna back in action.

www.vivid.com/movie/queen-of-the-ring