“She-Hulk XXX: An Axel Braun Parody” is finally out, but it may be Chyna’s last Vivid movie

I’ve been wanting to see Chyna in this She-Hulk movie for so long that I got really mad when this DVD’s release was delayed. But I think that might have been a work since I’m sure Vivid wanted to release this movie closer to WrestleMania in case Vince decided to induct Chyna into the WWE Hall of Fame this year. It obviously didn’t help, though, since Trish is going in this year. I wonder who might induct Chyna when she finally goes in. Maybe it will be Trips or Steph since they seem to be on good terms again after that Queen of the Ring DVD I reviewed.

Gracie Glam is no Chyna, but snotrage doesn't seem to mind her portrayal of She-Hulk's alter ego Jennifer Walters. Photo courtesy Vivid Entertainment.

Anyway, when I finally got this She-Hulk DVD I was so excited. I mean, after seeing Chyna with green skin in The Avengers, I knew she would be great when she finally got the chance to star in her own movie as She-Hulk. But I have to say I was a little bit disappointed and confused. If this movie is supposed to be about She-Hulk, why don’t we even see Chyna until, like, halfway through the damn thing? And then, instead of seeing her fight bad guys and stuff, the first thing she does is go visit some scientist guy from the Fantastic Four because he tried to cure her cousin, the Hulk. While he’s looking at She-Hulk’s blood under a microscope or whatever, the Invisible Woman makes herself not invisible and introduces herself to She-Hulk in another room. They get to know each other pretty well for, like, the next 20 minutes, but I had to take a few breaks before they were done. As much as I enjoyed this part of the movie, it didn’t seem like Chyna was  very interested in getting to know the Invisible Woman.

I guess I should have started my review at the beginning of the movie, but just like when I first got my copy of The Avengers, I had to skip straight to the parts with Chyna. I was surprised that Chyna wasn’t in the movie from this beginning, though. Instead, the movie starts with some lady named Jennifer Walters in a hospital bed because she’s been attacked by some people and doesn’t know why. But there’s a detective there when she wakes up and he tells her that the doctor said she had a blood transfusion before she was dropped off at the hospital. Then she remembers that she had seen her cousin Bruce Banner earlier that day. Then it flashes back to when she was meeting with the district attorney before that. She’s trying to convince the DA to give her what she wants in some trial or something, then she helps convince him how to close the deal. It takes about 20 minutes, and right after that her cousin shows up and tells her he’s really the Hulk.

When the Invisible Woman (Alexis Ford) becomes visible and gets to know She-Hulk, snotrage gets particularly excited. Photo courtesy Vivid Entertainment.

The next few minutes are kind of boring because it’s just two people talking. Then it goes back to Jennifer at the hospital. Some guys wearing sunglasses are waiting outside of her room and one of them says something to the nurse behind the counter. Then the nurse takes the security guard into this room with X-rays on the walls because she’s always wanted to be with a cop. It turns out this is just a distraction so the guys with sunglasses can go into Jennifer’s room. But when they go in there and attack her she turns into She-Hulk and beats them up! I enjoyed the part with the cop and the nurse, but if I had known it was keeping me from seeing Chyna I would have skipped right past it. Well, no, actually I wouldn’t because the cop and nurse were pretty good.

After She-Hulk beats the two bad guys up, she jumps out of the window all the way down to the ground. Then she turns back into Jennifer and sees a poster about Mister Fantastic and the Invisible Woman coming to town. That’s how she knows to go visit them and try to get Mr. Fantastic (he’s the scientist I mentioned earlier) to figure out why she turns into She-Hulk. After she shows up at their hotel room, she shows them how she transforms and that’s the part where Chyna and the Invisible Woman (she makes herself not invisible after she answers the door) go to the other room. I watched this scene again because it’s pretty good. I guess I could have skipped it since I had already watched it when I first put the DVD in, but, you know.

After She-Hulk and the Invisible Woman (when she was actually invisible, she should have said, “You can’t see me” like John Cena) finish getting to know each other, She-Hulk’s lips aren’t green anymore. I don’t really understand why that is, but I think maybe it’s because she was about to turn back into Jennifer. Because the next part shows Jennifer getting in her car and saying that maybe she doesn’t want to be cured after all. Then some guy with yellow dishwashing gloves grabs her from the backseat, then it shows Jennifer strapped to some lab table or something while these two guys in green bodysuits with masks and yellow hoods are talking. At first I thought maybe these guys were more Hulks, but they’re just wearing green suits. Then some lady with green lips is telling one of the guys in a green suit that she wants to create her own super soldiers. She sounds kind of like Aksana and calls this guy Neal and he gets down on his knees in front of her for some reason. Then she gets kind of mean and pushy and he calls her Madame Hydra and does whatever she wants him to do. I didn’t get a chance to ask my cousin who this Hydra lady was, but it seems like she’s the leader of the bad guys. But even when she’s being bossy to the guy in the green bodysuit, it seems like he actually kind of likes it. And after she finishes making him do stuff, her lips aren’t green anymore either. But that’s just because she was wearing green lipstick and some of it came off.

She-Hulk meets Hawkeye (Eric Masterson), who has some interesting ways of inducting her into The Avengers. Photo courtesy Vivid Entertainment.

When those other guys in green bodysuits start trying to give Jennifer a shot with a needle, she turns into She-Hulk and escapes. Then she sees Hawkeye in the alley and they sort of recognize each other. He tells her he’s recruiting for a new West Coast Avengers and I guess there’s an initiation process or something because She-Hulk gets kind of angry and rips part of Hawkeye‘s costume. It causes a little bit of a wardrobe malfunction, but it doesn’t seem like She-Hulk is angry about that. For some reason they go back inside and get on top of the lab table that Jennifer was strapped to before. Then they start doing experiments or something. I’m not sure why She-Hulk wouldn’t let those guys in green bodysuits poke her, but she does let Hawkeye poke her. I guess maybe it’s another part of the initiation into the Avengers, but She-Hulk looks like she’s pretty bored while it’s happening. And it looks like some of She-Hulk’s green starts to rub off on certain parts of Hawkeye, but I don’t think he’s a Hulk or anything like that. Either way, this part was pretty good and I actually watched it a few more times because I like seeing Chyna as She-Hulk in action.

Remember how I told you a while back, when I reviewed The Avengers, that when Chyna played She-Hulk in The Avengers they even painted her nipples green? Well, I don’t know if they did that in this She-Hulk movie because you never actually see her nipples. I was hoping to see her nipples in this movie, especially since I read on some of the dirt sheets that this would be Chyna’s last Vivid movie because she’s going to teach English in Japan (#legit). So this might be the last time I get to see Chyna play She-Hulk, or in any movie, for that matter. But it seems like she joined the West Coast Avengers after Hawkeye finished poking her. And the She-Hulk DVD comes with a comic book that shows her getting poked by Wolverine, Spider-Man, Iron Man and other Avengers. So maybe she will be in that movie when it comes out. By then Vince will probably own Vivid and put out the next Chyna movie through WWE Studios. That’s probably why Chyna is moving to Japan, actually. That way she can ride out her Vivid contract until it gets picked up by WWE Studios, then she can try to get in next year’s Hall of Fame class. I think Sean Waltman should induct her.

www.vivid.com/vivid-parody/she-hulk-xxx-a-porn-parody

Georgia Wrestling Now welcomes Joey Kidman, Zach Daniels and Bull Buchanan

While the wrestling world prepares for this Sunday’s WrestleMania, the Georgia wrestling scene offers an assortment of title-worthy events of its own. And this week’s Georgia Wrestling Now guests will be involved in some of this weekend’s biggest title matches. First we talk to new Pro Wrestling Resurrection United States Champion Zach Daniels, who teams up with “Wild Child” Joey Kidman (who manages to get a few minutes of air time at the end of the show) to challenge the Exotic Ones for the Peachstate Wrestling Alliance Tag Team Championship this Saturday. Then we hear from Universal Independent Wrestling Champion Bull Buchanan, who teams up with Murder 1 this Saturday to take on the So Fine Mafia. Team All You Can Eat’s Matt Hankins, Georgia Wrestling History‘s Larry Goodman and Wrestling with Pop Culture also discuss recent and upcoming events in WWE, Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, Anarchy Wrestling, Old School Wrestling Alliance, Classic Pro Wrestling and more. Listen live every Monday at 7 p.m. and call 347-324-5735 for questions or comments.

"Wild Child" Joey Kidman (left) and Zach Daniels (right) were opponents three weeks ago, but they team up to challenge the Exotic Ones for the Peachstate Wrestling Alliance Tag Team Championship on April 6. Photo by Harold Jay Taylor/Headlocks and Headshots.

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Jake Abel and Max Irons are caught in an extraterrestrial love triangle in “The Host”

Ian (Jake Abel) competes for the attention of one of the entities inhabiting Saoirse Ronan's body in "The Host". Photo by Alan Markfield.

Having dazzled legions of readers and moviegoers with The Twilight Saga, Stephenie Meyer takes her supernatural teen romance formula to new realms with The Host. Based on the book of the same name, the film revolves around Melanie Stryder (Saoirse Ronan), whose body becomes inhabited by an alien entity known as Wanderer. Melanie’s love interest is Jared (Max Irons), but Ian (Jake Abel) is attracted to the Wanderer, which creates a rather extraterrestrial love triangle. With the movie in theaters today, Irons and Abel talk to Wrestling with Pop Culture about on-set dynamics, working with writer/director Andrew Niccol and their attraction to the fantasy and sci-fi genres.

You’ve both done fantasy and sci-fi genre films previously, but when you work on something based on a Stephenie Meyer book you never know just how popular it might become. Did the massive hype and possibility for a cult-like following factor in to your decision to do this movie?

Abel: No, not at all. It’s all about the work and it’s all about the material. Any film you decide to do, it’s always about the script, the director and the filmmakers. This one was special and unique; Andrew Niccol’s a fantastic director and writer, Saoirse Ronan’s an incredible actress and there’s something to be said about the way Stephenie Meyer’s able to touch a massive audience. It’s fantastic.

Jared (Max Irons) stuggles with his love for Melanie (Saoirse Ronan) in "The Host".

Irons: Also, there was such a hype around the Twilight books. I heard a story about Robert Pattinson being chased through the streets by loads and loads of girls before he even started filming the first one. That hasn’t happened to either of us, thank God. I know there’s a number of people who love The Host, which is great. But it’s not quite on the same scale.

Abel: It’s a little more grown up in the right ways. It’s a sci-fi flick with obvious romantic undertones, which are important. But I don’t think it’s pigeonholed itself into just being a Twilight crossover. I would completely, in full confidence, recommend this movie to my brother, who’s a 32-year-old guy. I really think he’ll enjoy it, besides having his brother in it. I think that’s great for Stephenie and great for all of us because it broadens the demographic.

Having both done fantasy films previously and now venturing into sci-fi, are these genres you are particularly attracted to or is it just a coincidence that you’ve worked mostly on genre films?

Irons: I personally am much more into science fiction than fantasy. And working with the guy who did Gattaca was kind of a dream and was very cool.

Photo by Alan Markfield.

Abel: I haven’t hunted out the genre films solely, that’s just kind of what’s being made right now for young actors. We’re both very picky about what we do, and what’s happening is there’s a shift in these young adult adaptations where they’re not just these cheesy, quick, slap-it-together, throw-it-out-there things, They’re now hiring people like William Hurt for these movies. I think Kate Winslet’s about to do one, so they’re now surrounding these films with talented actors and really great directors and sort of changing the face of what it means to be a young adult adaptation. That makes a lot of sense to me right now, being a young actor and being able to work with someone like William Hurt, who I may not have ever had an opportunity to work with.

Irons: I think Christopher Nolan’s probably got a lot for us to be thankful for in regard to reminding people that audiences actually want to be challenged and want to see beautiful pictures as opposed to just another title out a year later.

Abel: I’m glad that you mentioned that, actually. Thank you, Christopher Nolan.

What was it like working with Hurt. Like you said, that’s not an everyday opportunity and he brings some serious weight to that set that a hungry young actor would want to feed off of.

William Hurt (right) provided leadership for young actors like Max Irons (left) in "The Host". Photo by Alan Markfield.

Irons: That was sort of it. We were all there together, day in and day out, and William was like our spiritual leader and a professional tutor, for lack of a better word.

Abel: I’ve never seen someone stand up for the actors as much as he does. His ways may be a bit peculiar sometimes, but in the end we were the most protected people on the set because if a scene wasn’t going right he would put his foot down and say, “This is not going right.” He would demand that we did whatever it took to get it right. It would be frustrating and hard, but by the end of it we’d be thanking him. There’s a method to his madness, completely. He was the one that requested two weeks of rehearsal beforehand, which was integral to making this film. It would not have been the same film without that. I really stand by this film and I think that’s from the two weeks of rehearsal and William, as he called it, interrogating the script for the truth. That really stuck with me.

This being a sci-fi film, what other dimensions of the film do you think will attract viewers aside from the sci-fi elements?

Abel: There are the romantic undertones, but what will surprise audiences most is it’s really not about these two motherfuckers fighting over this girl. It is a bit, but there are more relationships than that. She has a relationship between herself and the alien in her head, which is really quite touching. There’s an end scene where she’s by herself, the camera’s on top of her, and she’s speaking out loud to the voice inside her head, which we hear through voice-over. I had to remind myself halfway through that she was doing a scene by herself. She also has a relationship with her little brother and with her uncle, played by William Hurt. So there’s a dramatic tale of loss and coping with loss and what it means to understand your enemy.

Irons: It’s also a story of survival. Everyone’s finding out and questioning the best way to survive and, indeed, should we survive as a species. I think that’s a question we can take away. Unlike most alien invasion films, which involve lasers and spaceships blowing up the White House, this is almost like an intervention – we’re destroying ourselves, they’re going to come to our rescue and, for the betterment of the planet and the whole species, take over. It’s an interesting question, but you’ve got to ask yourself, “If they did successfully take over, would the world be a better place.”

This was the first time you’ve shared a love interest with another actor. What was that relationship dynamic like on set?

Irons: The thing is, we’re all such good friends. So it was never too serious, there’s never too much tension or competition or anything like that.

Abel: Everyone was very professional about it. It’s always strange whether you’re sharing each other or not, that first time you go in and you know you’re going to kiss your co-star and be intimate in front of people, it’s always strange. But after you do it once or twice, you just kind of get a hold of it.

Irons: From an outside point of view, the whole thing is quite confusing and quite complex. But from our point of views it’s quite simple. They are different points of view and that causes us to have a bit of a feud, but they are sort of simple. To me she’s Melanie, who has been taken over, and to him she’s just the alien.

With Niccol writing the script and directing the film, do you think it was easier for him to make the film rather than worrying about someone else’s words? Could he give you more insight into what he wanted from the characters?

Abel: Andrew worked very closely with Stephenie, actually. We got very lucky because this is one of the first things that he’s adapted. Andrew has been so lucky he gets to write his own material and make his own material, but the film doesn’t deviate a lot from the book, which I think fans will like. It’s just a more condensed, tightened version of it. The characters are still as developed as they were in the book, the plot is still as developed as it was in the book; I think what really gave us the insight we needed was two weeks of rehearsal that was gifted to us in the beginning, which never happens.

Irons: And we were allowed to put ideas forward through Andrew to Stephenie, which would come back from Stephenie through Andrew to us, so it felt collaborative. That’s so rare because so often with the studio system practically all the ideas are coming from one direction, which is from above and down to you, and you just have to follow. Whereas this one was very democratic.

If there is a sequel, what would you like to see happen with your characters?

Photo by Alan Markfield.

Abel: I want to shoot a gun, I want to drive a car, I would like to do something a little bit more manly.

Irons: I heard a rumor about the sequel that Ian plays guitar and sings.

Abel: That’d be nice, too. And dancing. [Composer] Antonio Pinto actually wrote something for me to play in the film, I started to learn it and halfway through Stephenie [changed her mind]. It was a lovely score, too.

Did you have much interaction with Meyer? Did you get to ask her about the interesting subtexts she likes to infuse into her romances?

Irons: We did ask about the subtexts of our own characters, but she kind of trusted us and said, “You’re doing OK. If you’re not doing OK, I’ll tell you. But trust your instincts. You’re Jared now, you’re Ian now. Go with it, make him yours. Don’t take it from me, take it from yourself.”

Abel: I think she was probably surprised by the fact that, since the second book may technically not be finished written, and there’s a third book she wants to do, we, as actors, started to influence her visualization of these characters. With the Twilight series, they were already written, so the actors had no room to inspire her. But I think she said a couple of times, “I like to watch you guys because it’s giving me things I hadn’t thought about.” I imagine that was very interesting to her, too. She was very open to that, very collaborative.

Your father, Jeremy Irons, has likely been an influence and given you a lot of advice throughout your life. But now that he is sort of entering the young adult realm where you have more experience, has he, in turn, come to you for advice on any of his recent films?

Irons: He finds the idea of press and Twitter and Facebook and that kind of marketing very peculiar, so I have to explain that kind of thing to him. He can barely work his mobile phone, which is still from the ’90s. He can’t even turn the volume down. I’m his son, he’s my dad, so he doesn’t really give me advice too often because he sort of knows it irritates me, even though I probably should take it.

www.thehostthefilm.com

“G.I. Joe: Retaliation” brings ’80s action figures to life more effectively than its predecessor

Duke (Channing Tatum) and Roadblock (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) carry out a covert operation in "G.I. Joe: Retaliation". Photo by Jaimie Trueblood.

For fans of the G.I. Joe toys, cartoons and comic books of the ’80s and early ’90s, 2009’s G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra was disappointing on many levels. And even though G.I. Joe: Retaliation is technically a sequel to The Rise of Cobra, there’s really no need to revisit the first movie since Retaliation does as good a job as possible of pretending like The Rise of Cobra never happened.

That being said, Retaliation is everything the first G.I. Joe movie should have been. Gone are the Star Wars-like script and those stupid accelerator suits. Inexplicably absent are General Hawk, Scarlett, the Baroness and other characters prominent in the first movie, but that’s OK. The nanomites are used sparingly and much more effectively here, especially in the case of Firefly (played with a brilliantly Southern accent by Ray Stevenson), whose swarming mites are integral to a few explosive scenes.

Cobra forces prepare for war in "G.I. Joe: Retaliation". Photo by Jaimie Trueblood.

Disguised as the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce), Zartan carries out Cobra’s mission to rule the world by starting right at the top of the proverbial Mount Olympus. Though Olympus Has Fallen beat Retaliation to the punch when it comes to enemy forces assuming control of the White House, seeing the American flag replaced by the Cobra insignia is a dreadful sight G.I. Joe fanboys have been excited to see for decades. And apparently the rest of the country also likes the president’s aggressive change of attitude as his approval ratings have been up since Zartan (Arnold Vosloo) locked the real president away in a secret underground cell. Still, the real president refuses to tell Zartan where Cobra Commander and Destro are being held, but Cobra always has a snake in the grass. This time the plan is to not only destroy G.I. Joe’s reputation by framing them as traitors, but to use this frame job as an excuse to literally destroy the team and send its most mysterious member Snake Eyes to prison.

Roadblock (Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson) and Joe Colton (Bruce Willis) plan the attack on Cobra. Photo courtesy Paramount Pictures.

With the Joes seemingly out of commission, and some stealthy help from Cobra’s resident ninja Storm Shadow (once again played by Lee Byung-hun) and Firefly, Cobra Commander (played by Luke Bracey and voiced by Robert Baker) soon finds himself out of prison and at the president’s side. And this time he’s wearing his iconic shiny faceplate and sinister helmet rather than that weird respiratory thing Joseph Gordon-Levitt wore in the first movie. With the general populace on Cobra’s side, the president arranges a peace summit to eliminate the world’s nuclear weapons, which is actually a ploy to drop hi-tech Zeus bombs on the world’s major cities from space satellites.

As luck would have it, a few Joes survived Cobra’s attack. Roadblock (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson), Flint (D.J. Cotrona) and Lady Jaye (Adrianne Palicki) track down the original Joe, a retired Joseph Colton (Bruce Willis). But like so many other things in Retaliation, appearances can be deceiving with this Joe, whose suburban lifestyle is just a cover for a hidden arsenal of futuristic weaponry. Meanwhile, Snake Eyes (Ray Park) and Storm Shadow have an epic ninja battle at an Arashikage mountain retreat, which also introduces Jinx (Élodie Yung) as an impressive new member of the clan. Considering that this movie’s release was delayed by almost a year, supposedly so it could be converted to 3-D, it’s strange that the 3-D effects are hardly noticable aside from a few times during these ninja fight scenes.

Cobra Commander's iconic costume is one of director John M. Chu's many nods to the original G.I. Joe toys. Photo by Jaimie Trueblood.

Director John M. Chu (best known for directing a couple of the Step Up movies) is either a longtime G.I. Joe fan or at least did his homework before helming this film, as evidenced by the inclusion of the Blind Master (RZA) and the story of Storm Shadow’s true origins, among other details that will please fans of the old Larry Hama-penned G.I. Joe comic books. And these characters stay true to what has been established in previous G.I. Joe mythos, though I don’t understand why the otherwise-mysterious Firefly seems so eager to reveal his face every chance he gets. And though The Rock fills the imposing frame of Roadblock incredibly well, I wish at least some of his trash talking was in rhyme like the Roadblock from the original animated series. I mean, The Rock has proven his mic skills in WWE, but maybe having a colored character jive-talking wouldn’t be politically correct these days (though it’s apparently OK if Michael Bay does it with robots).

Unlike The Rise of Cobra, Retaliation follows the source material pretty closely, capturing the look and feel of G.I. Joe with sleek costumes, military vehicles just advanced enough to be believable and distinct personalities in keeping with those that have kept G.I. Joe popular from one generation to the next. Retaliation could also be The Rock’s best performance to date. I know that’s not really saying much considering the other movies he’s been in, but he still seems to have found the role that will establish him as a true action hero, assuming more G.I. Joe movies are in the works. And if they are, let’s just hope Chu (and not Rise of Cobra director Stephen Sommers) is the one to bring even more of our favorite action figures to life.

www.gijoemovie.com

Georgia Wrestling Now welcomes Billy Buck and the Vandal

Anarchy Wrestling‘s Hardcore Hell is one of Georgia’s most brutal annual events. This week’s Georgia Wrestling Now features two guests who will be involved with Hardcore Hell on March 30. First Team All You Can Eat’s Matt Hankins and Wrestling with Pop Culture hear from Billy Buck, who defends his Anarchy Television Championship against Jacoby Boykins. Then we hear from the Vandal, one half of the Anarchy Tag Team Champions the Movement (with Najasism), who defend their titles against longtime Platinum Championship Wrestling rivals the Washington Bullets. We also discuss recent and upcoming events in Rampage Pro Wrestling, PCW, Deep Southern Championship Wrestling, Pro Wrestling Resurrection, Southern Style Pro Wrestling, Georgia All-Star Wrestling and more. Listen live every Monday at 7 p.m. and call 347-324-5735 for questions or comments.

"Wild" Billy Buck defends his Anarchy Television Championship against Jacoby Boykins at Hardcore Hell.

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